On a normal snowy morning when planning to go to Franklin I would wake up to a text from my mom telling me, “be careful and if it is too bad, don’t come down. I would love to see you but I want you to be safe.”
As I type and know I am getting ready to go to her apartment – this weekend being the last one there, I looked at my phone anticipating her text and was reminded once again that she won’t be sending me a text or calling me. Sadness streams through my body – I can feel it from my head to my toes – waves of grief.
And then I hear those words in my head. I know she is still saying it to me. She always will. Every snowy day that I need to go outside, get in my car and drive, I will hear her telling me to be careful. Don’t do it if it’s not safe.
And this is what I loved most about my mom. She wanted to always see me – she would text me to come visit more often than I did. I would sometimes feel guilty but make a choice to stay home and get things done.
She would text or call me. She’d always tell me something about my sister, my nieces and nephews or how she was feeling and then ask, “Are you coming down today or tomorrow or will it be next weekend?“
I used to visit every weekend but when I entered into my current position and started driving more to work I started visiting about every other weekend. She knew this but would always ask every weekend.
Sometimes it would annoy me and I didn’t get it. But now I do. Us kids brought her joy. Any minute she could spend with us made her smile and that makes me smile.
I smile as I am typing knowing she always wanted to see me but wanted me to be safe so on a snowy day when the roads might be slick she would say, stay home. My safety came first.
We never get to spend as much time as we want with those we love before they leave us. We will say no sometimes because it doesn’t work in our schedule. We will choose no because it is not safe. Yet instead of worrying about the lost time, it is important to hold on to the many memories. Mom was my foundation. She was my rock. She was always there whether right next to me or from a distance.
And she will always be there. Just like today as I am waiting a bit longer before I hit the road – to be safe. Love you and miss you mom.