Yesterday, we found a journal that I had bought mom for Mother’s Day in 2005. This was at the peak of my own writing when I found solace in the written words on the page – I had discovered a way to process life through writing and wanted to share it with mom. Below is what I wrote to mom in the journal before I gifted it to her.
Mom wrote in this journal several times from 2005-2007, then blank pages. As I read through he words last night, I felt her warmth and love. She cared so deeply for all of us. She mentioned how proud she was of my sister and I. She wrote about the kids. She wrote about our trip to Panama City and trips to Kentucky. She shared when she was proud of us and when she was disappointed. I knew that seeing my mom and spending time with her was the one thing she loved most and her writing showed this. I so wish I had her thoughts and words from when I was born all the way until her death, but these few words are enough for us to hold onto along with the notes we have found from her and letters she wrote and never sent. Mom – I knew you well but am knowing you better through your writing.
Mom – I faintly remember you talking about it but you and dad were told you would never have kids after your wreck – the wreck that I wish I would have talked to you about more. The wreck I’m learning details now from dad and your brother. You wrote about this on Allison’s birthday in 2005. You shared what a gift Allison was to you at the time and that you were sick and on bedrest with both pregnancies – and that we were worth it. Thanks mom for putting the pen to paper to say this. Thank you.
Mom, I could write more about what you wrote but I’m going to hold those words close to my heart instead and revisit them over and over.
Writing – it soothes the soul. It brings meaning to life. It lasts beyond your time on this earth. I am so glad my mom left her words with us. I am thinking about leaving my words in here also – although I do not have biological kids I would like to write to her the stories of us – my sister and my nieces and nephews. I’d like to think about sharing this journal with my family. Maybe we each take a month and write in it and pass it on. I don’t know – I’ll talk to my sister about it today. Writing. It can bring us together and hold a space in eternity.